Friday, July 13, 2007
Eating to Live on the Outside: Huddle House
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Eat to Livers—welcome to hell! I’m sure a lot of people say to themselves, “Why are Americans so unhealthy?” It’s because of restaurants like this. Huddle House might just be the worst standard American restaurant Eating to Live on the Outside has ever attempted to tackle. Let us proceed with caution.
I find it ironic that the Huddle House’s website has colorful pictures of fresh strawberries, peppers, and tomatoes, but don’t be confused, this place is simply chock full of cheese, bacon, cured meat, creamy sauces, and greasy fixings. Otherwise know as—DYING YOUNG!
First up is the breakfast menu, well, its horrible. Fried eggs—no! Cured sausage—no! Greasy hash browns—no! Rib-eye steak—no! Yeah, let’s move on to the next section, omelets and waffles. I don’t know about you, but a Philly cheese steak omelet doesn’t sound very health promoting to me. And regardless, I don’t eat eggs, so none of these will work for me and as for the waffles? Think again—nah!
Next up are the big house platters and the signature sandwiches. Clearly the signature of Huddle House is furthering heart disease, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure in this country, because there’s nothing good about a Triple Decker burger, Country Fried Chicken sandwich, Half Pound Hamburger Steak, Chicken Melt, Philly Cheese Steak, or whatever other horrible excuse for food this place can cook up. I’m sorry Eat to Livers, but this place is miserable.
Now let’s look at the dinner menu—bad, just bad. Again, I see nothing I’d be eager to order here; lot’s of French fries, red meat, fried chicken, and toasted white bread. Not exactly the instruments of a long healthy life. Perhaps the only redeeming thing here is the dinner salad. If I had to order something, I’d go with the dinner salad, but as we’ll see, there’s no guarantee that salad is going to be Fuhrman-friendly either.
This menu section is called “Lite House.” My guess is this is supposed to be the healthy section of the menu, which is funny, because there’s nothing really overwhelmingly healthy about it. Sure, compared to the rest of the menu it’s a few steps up, but overall, more standard American garbage food. The two salad options are packed with hardboiled egg, cheese, and chicken strips—I’ll pass!
But again, if I HAD to eat at Huddle House—which would mean I was struck over the head, kidnapped, and awoke chained to a table—I’d take either the Grilled Chicken Salad or the Crispy Chicken Salad and strip it of its chicken and egg. Leaving you with a pile of lettuce and tomato, now, as good as lettuce and tomato are for you, I’m not paying restaurant prices for it. This would be the part of my kidnapping story where I gnaw through my chains and run out of Huddle House screaming.
In the end, I would not eat at the Huddle House. If I were asked to go, I would politely decline or just go and eat ice chips the whole time. The Huddle House is no place for the casual or ardent Eat to Liver. In fact, it should be considered a public health hazard.
Okay, time for a dumb question. Have any of you ever eaten at a Huddle House? If so, let me know. Make a comment or send me an email at diseaseproof@gmail.com. Oh, and if you're a gluten for punishment. Check out Huddle House’s menu and see if you can make any of it work. Feel free to evoke the power of higher beings, you’ll need it.
I find it ironic that the Huddle House’s website has colorful pictures of fresh strawberries, peppers, and tomatoes, but don’t be confused, this place is simply chock full of cheese, bacon, cured meat, creamy sauces, and greasy fixings. Otherwise know as—DYING YOUNG!
First up is the breakfast menu, well, its horrible. Fried eggs—no! Cured sausage—no! Greasy hash browns—no! Rib-eye steak—no! Yeah, let’s move on to the next section, omelets and waffles. I don’t know about you, but a Philly cheese steak omelet doesn’t sound very health promoting to me. And regardless, I don’t eat eggs, so none of these will work for me and as for the waffles? Think again—nah!
Next up are the big house platters and the signature sandwiches. Clearly the signature of Huddle House is furthering heart disease, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure in this country, because there’s nothing good about a Triple Decker burger, Country Fried Chicken sandwich, Half Pound Hamburger Steak, Chicken Melt, Philly Cheese Steak, or whatever other horrible excuse for food this place can cook up. I’m sorry Eat to Livers, but this place is miserable.
Now let’s look at the dinner menu—bad, just bad. Again, I see nothing I’d be eager to order here; lot’s of French fries, red meat, fried chicken, and toasted white bread. Not exactly the instruments of a long healthy life. Perhaps the only redeeming thing here is the dinner salad. If I had to order something, I’d go with the dinner salad, but as we’ll see, there’s no guarantee that salad is going to be Fuhrman-friendly either.
This menu section is called “Lite House.” My guess is this is supposed to be the healthy section of the menu, which is funny, because there’s nothing really overwhelmingly healthy about it. Sure, compared to the rest of the menu it’s a few steps up, but overall, more standard American garbage food. The two salad options are packed with hardboiled egg, cheese, and chicken strips—I’ll pass!
But again, if I HAD to eat at Huddle House—which would mean I was struck over the head, kidnapped, and awoke chained to a table—I’d take either the Grilled Chicken Salad or the Crispy Chicken Salad and strip it of its chicken and egg. Leaving you with a pile of lettuce and tomato, now, as good as lettuce and tomato are for you, I’m not paying restaurant prices for it. This would be the part of my kidnapping story where I gnaw through my chains and run out of Huddle House screaming.
In the end, I would not eat at the Huddle House. If I were asked to go, I would politely decline or just go and eat ice chips the whole time. The Huddle House is no place for the casual or ardent Eat to Liver. In fact, it should be considered a public health hazard.
Okay, time for a dumb question. Have any of you ever eaten at a Huddle House? If so, let me know. Make a comment or send me an email at diseaseproof@gmail.com. Oh, and if you're a gluten for punishment. Check out Huddle House’s menu and see if you can make any of it work. Feel free to evoke the power of higher beings, you’ll need it.
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