Eating to Live on the Outside: Firkin Pub


Eek! We got a Firkin nightmare on our hands this week. As you’ll soon see Firkin Pubs will quickly join the ranks of Eating to Live on the Outside rejects: Hobee's, Carino's, and Huddle House. I’ve said it before, you got to take the good with the bad. So, let’s see if this standard American restaurant has SOMETHING that a nutritarian MIGHT considering eating.

Whoa! This is going to be tough sledding. I’m no nutritionist, but, I’m pretty sure there is NOTHING nutrient-dense about breaded chicken fingers, bacon wrapped scallops, and barbequed beef brisket—EGAD! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Okay, with a “liberal” eye let’s search this menu. Well, the Vegetable Stir Fry is kind of an option. Obviously the FRY part sucks—frying, a great way to ruin a good thing—if you can get passed the frying, it’s made with mixed vegetables, basmati rice, and sesame teriyaki sauce. HELLO CONCESSIONS! The frying, the white rice, the oil, and the salty sauce—I wouldn’t eat it!

Maybe the Veggie Burger? I guess it’s your standard veggie burger amalgamation; prepared with sautéed mushrooms, onions, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickle, and your choice of sides (the best being the grilled vegetables). Even with the grilled veggies, I’m not eating it. Processed meat substitutes aren’t my favorite thing, they’re okay, but I usually pass—what about you?

Alright, if by some complete miscarriage of fate you found yourself in a Firkin Pub, just head for the salads. That’s your best bet. The safest option is the House Salad; made with seasonal vegetables, greens, and your choice of dressing—I’d go with the Balsamic Vinaigrette on the side. Go on. See for yourself, the House Salad is really the ONLY option.

Now, if you were feeling naughty, you might want to give the Greek Salad a whirl; includes mixed greens, feta cheese, tomatoes, onions, Kalamata olives, and “Firkin” dressing. Well, like I said, if you were feeling risqué, you might want to drop the cheese, keep the olives, ditch the Firkin dressing, and swap in the Balsamic Vinaigrette. Maybe those salty olives would give you a cheap thrill. Personally, I’ll stick with the House Salad.

Hopefully by now you’ve realized just how much of a train wreck Firkin Pub really is. With that being said, if none of these entice you—which wouldn’t be all that surprising—maybe you could ask for a double side order of grilled vegetables. That’d be a decent option, especially if you pair it up with a little salad. At this point, it’d probably be easier to just walk out the Firkin door!

I’d like to close on a high note—I really would—but Firkin Pub is just another junk food restaurant. It might be fun to watch a football game there, but eating a Firkin meal is gambling with your health, and, I don’t think you have to be a nutrition guru to make that statement.

So, another restaurant bites the dust, but hey! Maybe I’m crazy—believe me, it’s a possibility—maybe Firkin Pub is a fantastic place to eat. You decide! Check out the Firkin menu and let me know how you handle Eating to Live on the Outside. Make a comment or send an email to diseaseproof@gmail.com. In the meantime, eat your veggies! Peace.
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